Chuckles and church bulletins

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by admin on March 17, 2010

Every so often the Internet, via email, provides something so side-splittingly funny that it just has to be shared at the weekly print level. Church Bulletins allegedly gleaned from actual church bulletins or announcements fit this bill perfectly. Herewith my favourites, and I recommend you remain seated while reading. A fall while laughing uproariously could be dangerous for your health.

Enjoy.

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight:
‘Searching for Jesus.’

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Don’t let worry

kill you off – let the Church help.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. – prayer and medication to follow.

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.

Irving Henson and Jessie Fharter were married on October 24 in the church.

So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’

Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every

kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m.. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’