Fashion turn finds ogler in full form

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by admin on September 22, 2010

Have you heard the good news? Well, it’s good news to some men, at least. Maybe not all men. There are those of the gay persuasion who won’t lift a well-groomed eyebrow on hearing that the hourglass figure is back in fashion.

And there are those ever-exercising male athletes who think lean is lovely and like their women flat-flanked. They won’t be thrilled with this news, either.

But, for all the rest of us, admirers from afar (Can we call it ogling? Why not? It’s the truth), the full-figured woman is back in the eye of the fashion storm. After decades, dating back to Twiggy, possibly the world’s thinnest feminine sex symbol, the earth has turned and today all eyes are on Christina Hendricks, the voluptuous starlet of TV’s “Mad Men,” recently deemed le dernier cri in modern womanhood.

In fact, the latest fashion revolution has taken off so fast that clothes designers have

had to improvise. Women can now buy panties with padding inserts that will make them round out to the 36-24-36-inch measurements that sent first Elizabeth Taylor and then Marilyn Monroe into superstardom.

That pair of Hollywood womanly worthies made the hourglass figure their rocket ride to success, with Taylor bagging seven husbands and Monroe bedding American presidents. Monroe died just as she slid into parody, while Taylor carried on until old age and illness took her into public oblivion.

But in their day they were eye-filling. I can still remember the sudden gasp of audience astonishment when the director of the movie “Niagara” had Monroe in a tight, red wool dress and proceeded to photograph the voluptuous star from the rear as she walked away from the camera. The movie-house audience heaved a collective enormous sigh at the sight of so much woman. You had to be there.

But, while these two ruled the fashion roost, the flat-bottomed fair sex was on the outside looking in enviously. Finally, perhaps overdosing on too much of a good thing (for most men, at least) the fashion world turned and, for the past three decades or so, bumless wonders became the model men were told to admire. And, for some, that meant there wasn’t as much to admire. But big busts (they were never far away) and big behinds are in again. Let joy reign supreme, and may Twiggy stay retired.

And remember the old saying: Big is better. It even applies to women’s hair these days. One hair products company tells women with thin hair that relief is at hand. Buy brand X and your hair will swell magnificently. It will go Big! Big! Big! But only until four oclock the next day when it suddenly shrinks, leaving the luckless lovely thin-headed once again.

Now, before you berate my editor, let me save you the trouble. Yes, I am a male chauvinist pig. But I have been married to the same woman for 40 years, so that should count for something when you plan your outraged feminist act. And she was a bona fide ogling object when we first met.

I rest my case.