What’s another word for wet?

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by Nikki Mantell on July 29, 2009

The New York Times once wrote that the Eskimo have a hundred different words for snow (this was a gross exaggeration, but the myth lives on).
After twelve weeks of almost non-stop rain in one of the wettest summers on record, I feel like I could conjure up at least a hundred different kinds of the liquid killjoy that has forced us all to ponder our wall paint all summer.
So here’s the short list:
Goddamn Rain - the most common variety that characterizes Summer ’09
Just a Refreshing Mist – a nostalgic strain that Gatineau Hillers welcomed during the scorcher of ’07 (note: lost from the common lexicon this year)
Ironic Rain – Applies to those of us (me) who this year bought a dock, to host a friend’s new boat.  (Alanis Morrisset has a song about this one for all you soggy brides out there.)
Frizzy Rain – Ladies’ straightening irons lay in garbage heaps due to this strain.
Mississipi Swamp Rain – refers to what the Gatineau River looks like after 12 or so days nonstop rain.
I Hate My Spouse Rain -  Arguing about whose TV show to watch, again,  and whether or not housecleaning counts as recreation … a severe marriage weather warning is in effect.
F***ing goddamn Rain – As we move into August, having sacrificed the country’s best month, this term more commonly replaces “Goddamn Rain”.
What Kind of A-hole Are You? Rain – This precipitation produces those massive puddles on Riverside Drive in Wakefield that in turn cause train tourists to scream its name in fury after passing cars.
Thanks A Lot, Now I’m an Alcoholic Rain-Kaffe 1870, Chelseas Pub, the Black Sheep, Brennan’s Hill – at least the bar owners are smiling.
Now We Need to Go on the Dr. Phil Show Rain – weren’t dysfunctional enough before the inlaws came to visit for two weeks? You are now after 14 days trapped in confined quarters.
Pass the Prozac Rain – Self explanatory
I’m 48 and I’m Seriously Considering Taking Up a Recreational Drug Habit Rain – for the clinically bored, not depressed.
Why Do I Always Smell Like a Wet Dog Rain? - Waiting for sunny weather to dry on the line, wet laundry sits for days in the washer. No, that last ditch effort in the dryer does not kill the stink.
Party On Despite The Rain -  Thank goodness for last weekend’s RompreStomp. No, mom, I guess we’re not made of sugar.